Woody Allen is known for his dark, provocative sense of humour. For the filmmaker's 82nd birthday, we bring you some of his funniest lines:
1. "Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service." Sleeper (1973)
2. "I think you're the opposite of paranoid. You go around with the insane delusion that people like you." Deconstructing Harry (1997)
3. ''What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
4. "Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it." A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)
5. "What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people." Radio Days (1987)
6. "80 percent of success is showing up."
7. "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good."
8. "If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever." Love and Death (1975)
9. “When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.” Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1972)
10. “There are worse things in life than death. I mean, if you’ve ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you’ll know exactly what I mean.” Love and Death (1975)