What is DARVO? The manipulation tactic you may have missed in your partner

The term gaslighting has now gained traction in discussions of toxic relationships, largely due to social media platforms. However, how does it feel when the abuser not only denies any wrongdoing on their part but also targets you for discussing it and, at the same time, makes themselves seem like the victim? There is a name for this kind of behaviour; it is called 'DARVO.' It describes a manipulation tactic that shifts attention away from harmful behaviour and puts the person confronting it on the defensive.

What is DARVO, and how does the tactic work?

DARVO is an acronym that means Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. This phrase was coined by Jennifer J. Freyd, a psychologist, in 1997. She created this term after noticing reactions to confrontation involving the issue of wrongdoing in her personal life. She noticed a similar reaction during the 1991 United States congressional hearing on Clarence Thomas.

The tactic unfolds in three stages. First, the individual will deny any wrongdoing on their part, or they will play down what they have done. Secondly, they will go for the person who has raised the issue by criticising that individual’s conduct, intentions, and even being oversensitive. Lastly, the roles will be reversed, and the individual becomes the victim.

How does the DARVO technique start reflecting in your daily life?

Think of a situation where one partner is being told off for coming late. Instead of facing their mistake, they will deny it, blame their partner for being controlling, and say that they are being treated unjustly. In no time, the initial matter is left behind, and the one who brought it up feels guilty now.

This behaviour can result in making people feel disoriented, emotionally drained, and uncertain about their ability to make good judgements. People can end up not voicing any complaints for fear of being attacked.

DAVO is related to the discourse on “gaslighting,” an action aimed at inducing someone to doubt his/her memory or perception of reality. But these concepts are not identical. The former is centred around denial, attack, and role reversal, while the latter is not.

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