Why does LOL at the end of a text suddenly feel passive-aggressive?

There was a time when “LOL” meant exactly what it said. Someone had laughed out loud, the internet had done its job and everyone could carry on with their day. Now, those three letters have acquired a rather more complicated function. They can soften a disagreement, cushion a rejection or reassure the person on the other end that, despite what the preceding sentence may suggest, nobody is picking a fight.

For many Millennials, lol became a kind of social insurance. Tacked onto “I disagree”, it makes the disagreement feel less severe. Added to “That was awkward”, it takes some of the sting out. Even “I’m not sure about that” can be made to sound less like a rejection with a strategically placed lol. It is less about laughter than reassurance. 

Online debates about Millennial texting habits have repeatedly produced the same generational quarrel, with younger users wondering why lol appears at the end of sentences that are quite plainly not funny, while Millennials insist that they are merely trying to keep things from sounding hostile.

So why can LOL sound passive-aggressive?

The answer is partly linguistic. LOL has evolved from a straightforward abbreviation for “laugh out loud” into what linguists call a discourse marker, something that helps signal tone, social presence or how a statement is meant to be received. Its meaning depends heavily on context, placement and whatever comes before it.

A 2024 UCLA linguistics project examining 300 English-language tweets posted between 2008 and 2022 found that 34.6 per cent contained passive-aggressive uses of lol. The researchers also found that these uses increased over the period studied, with lol at the end of a clause more frequently associated with an aggressive reading.

Which is easy enough to understand when you put “Okay lol” next to “Okay.” The former could mean anything. It could be affectionate, awkward, defensive or deeply annoyed. The latter has simply decided that punctuation is enough.

Is Gen Z really done with LOL?

Not exactly. Plenty of Gen Z and Zillennial texters use lol, while plenty of Millennials have stopped using it altogether. The divide is less about birth year than about what the sender thinks those three letters are doing. For one person, “sure lol” is an attempt at warmth while for another, it is the textual equivalent of an exhausted sigh. The letters have stayed the same, but what we read into them has changed.

Email: anoushkakundu@newindianexpress.com

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