Singer Halsey’s pregnancy nightmares helped inspire their new dark album ‘If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power’.
The non-binary singer and writer Alev Aydin welcomed their first child Ender last month, allegedly after suffering three miscarriages.
In a recent interview, Halsey shared that although they are thrilled to finally be parents, the album came from a “scary and horrifying” place.
“I think everyone who has heard me yearn for motherhood and yearn for this for so long, would have expected me to write the album that was full of gratitude,” Halsey commented.
But it turned out to be the contrary when Halsey experienced all the challenges that came with pregnancy. “And instead I was like, ‘No, this s**t is so scary and so horrifying. My body’s changing and I have no control over anything. And I do finally have this thing I want. So I wake up and fear every single day that I’m going to lose (the baby).”
Halsey added that being pregnant wasn’t a dream, but a nightmare. They said, “Actually, I have nightmares about waking up in a pool of my own blood. That’s actually what it’s like.”
The singer also faced the issue of their pregnancy impacting a record label’s profitability. “You have to call the CEO of X, Y, Z and say, ‘Hey, hi. I’m just calling to let you know, I’m pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t want you to find out on Instagram. I wanted to tell you myself, personally. It’s still business as usual over here though, don’t worry. My personal choice isn’t going to affect your profitability or your productivity or your assembly line’.”
The ‘Without Me’ singer explained that the reason this album has this horror theme was because this experience, in a way “had its horrors.”
The cover of the album, which was released on August 27, shows Halsey as a queen on a throne with a baby on her knee and one breast bared.
“This is a concept album about the joys and horrors of pregnancy and childbirth. It was very important to me that the cover art conveyed the sentiment of my journey over the past few months,” Halsey explained.
They added, “My body has belonged to the world in many different ways the past few years, and this image is my means of reclaiming my autonomy and establishing my pride and strength as a life force for my human being.”