Understanding pet loss: Why it hurts and how to offer support

The grief of losing a pet can be as profound as losing a loved one. For many, their pet was their closest companion, making the loss deeply painful. Here’s how friends can support grieving pet owners.

Why losing a pet can feel devastating

Even months after a pet’s passing, reminders can trigger fresh waves of grief. The empty space where a pet once curled up, the leash tucked away in a drawer, or the silence where there was once the patter of paws—all can stir painful emotions.

For some, losing a pet can feel more intense than losing a human loved one. Pets provide unconditional love, companionship, and daily routines, making their absence deeply felt.

“Some people feel more comfortable with animals than with people,” says E.B. Bartels, author of Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter. “Losing those relationships can be really, really difficult.”

Despite this, many grieving pet owners feel isolated because those around them may not understand the depth of their pain.

What to say—and what not to say

Friends and family members may want to offer comfort but struggle with knowing what to say. Some well-meaning phrases can do more harm than good.

Common phrases to avoid:

• “It was just an animal.” This dismisses the depth of their grief.

• “You can always get another pet.” A new pet won’t replace the bond they lost.

• “They had a good life.” While true, it doesn’t ease the immediate pain.

Instead, simply listening and acknowledging their pain can be more helpful.

“Just allow that person to talk about how they’re feeling, and you don’t need to comment,” says Annalisa de Carteret, who manages pet-loss support services for Blue Cross, a U.K. animal welfare charity.

Grief isn’t tied to the type of pet

It’s also important to remember that grief is not determined by the type of pet or how long someone had them. A person may grieve the loss of a pet lizard just as deeply as another grieves a dog or cat.

Bartels shares a story of a friend whose father was devastated when his koi fish were killed by a raccoon. “Some people would be like, ‘Oh, they’re just fish.’ But he loved these fish.”

Recognising and validating someone’s emotions, regardless of the pet they lost, is key to offering support.

Practical ways to support a grieving pet owner

Beyond emotional support, practical gestures can also help. A grieving pet owner who no longer has their usual routine—such as daily dog walks—may appreciate an invitation to go for a walk or coffee.

“People can really feel they lose their community,” Bartels explains. “If you lose your reason for going to the dog park, you’ve lost a lot more than just a dog.”

Some owners also struggle with guilt, questioning whether they could have done something differently to prevent their pet’s passing. Blue Cross receives up to 30,000 calls a year from people seeking pet-loss support, many dealing with overwhelming guilt.

Can getting a new pet help?

While some may find comfort in adopting another pet, it’s not a guaranteed solution. Every animal has a unique personality, and a new pet won’t necessarily fill the void left by another.

Additionally, the responsibilities of raising a young pet—such as training a puppy or kitten—may not be appealing to someone still grieving.

Grief is personal—there’s no right way to heal

Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. Anniversaries of a pet’s passing can be particularly difficult.

Bartels, who lost her dog Seymour last June, anticipates feeling emotional when the anniversary of his passing comes around.

For some, keeping mementoes helps. De Carteret keeps her late dog’s ashes by the fireplace, his favourite place to sit. “Some people will think that’s weird,” she says. “But that’s how I deal with it… You have to find the right way for you.”