There is suddenly a new demon in the world. He is a sneaky old demon with paranormal adaptive skills, lurking eternally. His name is ‘Expectation’. Whether I receive rich new-age wisdom from a 25-year-old, brows knitted in concentration, body language victorious with swaggy self-awareness, or discuss philosophy with an 80-year-old, face, a beautiful map of lived-in lines, eyes gentle with wisdom and love.
But the line remains the same: “The problem with all relationships is ‘expectations’.”
What are expectations? The belief that something (generally linked to our self-interest) will happen. So, we choose to abandon the scope of uncertainty and live in a state of anticipation of the ‘prospect’.
Most of the time, it’s people, especially the ones we are close to—partners, kids, parents, best friends—that we have expectations from. The second stage of expectation is disappointment. Disappointment, frustration, and sadness, all adding stress to the delicate strings that hold up ‘mighty relationships’. When stacked up, these disappointments can sometimes even cause dissolution or, worse, festering, never-to-be-healed wounds.
I read somewhere that we are blaming the wrong guy. Expectation is not the bad guy; it is expectation that goes uncommunicated. The problem with humans is that we often forget that we are all very different people. The other person will always be the ‘other person’. However, since the other has chosen to be close to us, it is clear that he or she also values the interaction. Dialogue then is the only way forward. Talk, explain, discuss. Communicate what those expectations are. These expectations may be crystal clear to you, but they will always be a mystery to the other, because they are not you.
I know there is a feeling that some of the charm goes away if it has to be said… translated from the sublime into the banality of words and sounds. But lets save telepathy for the afterlife, and save ourselves from the pain of unmet expectations. Be yourself as wholly as you can. The wonders of every relationship are completely dependent on the wonders we feel within ourselves.
Written by : Anupamaa Dayal
This fashion designer is about happy clothes and happy homes for happy women