What is Living Apart Together (LAT) and here are things that you need to know about it

At times, have you felt the urge to stay away from your partner? It's not about hating that person or anything, it's just that their presence itself gets a little too overwhelming at times, and you feel like living separately? Well, you are alone. Reports suggest that between 2000 and 2022, the percentage of married couples who decided to live apart grew by more than 40 percent and the trend has been driven mainly by older women. And this situation even has a name...it's called Living Apart Together.

New research from a UK household study found that older couples who decided to live in separate places have better mental health. It's also the most likely type of relationship for the over-60s crowd, with these couples being 10 times more likely to opt for LAT situations than traditional living arrangements.

What is Living Apart Together?

Living Apart Together (LAT) is a term used to describe couples who are in an intimate relationship but choose to live at separate addresses. This arrangement can be a conscious choice or due to circumstances such as work, finances, or family obligations.

Here's what we need to know about the important aspects of LAT relationships:

Intimate relationship, separate homes: The core of LAT is maintaining a committed romantic relationship while residing in different households.

Voluntary or involuntary: Couples may choose this arrangement for independence and personal space, or it may be due to factors preventing cohabitation.

Not just 'dating': LAT relationships are generally considered more committed than casual dating, often involving a sense of partnership and a future together, even if not cohabiting.

A growing trend: While it existed in the past, LAT is becoming more visible and prevalent in many societies.

Why are people choosing LAT

Desire for independence and autonomy: Both partners may value having their own space, routines, and personal time.

Career or educational commitments: Work or study locations can make living together impractical.

Financial constraints: Affording a shared home might not be feasible.

Previous negative experiences: One or both partners may have had negative experiences with cohabitation in the past.

Preserving existing family homes: One partner may want to maintain a home for children from a previous relationship.

Avoiding traditional gender roles: Some individuals, particularly older women, may prefer LAT to avoid a traditional division of labour in the household.

Maintaining personal space and habits: Differences in lifestyle, habits, or preferences (e.g., sleep schedules, cleanliness) can be easier to manage in separate homes.

Keeping the romance alive: Some couples find that living apart makes their time together more intentional and exciting.

What might be the advantages of LAT

Increased independence: Each partner retains control over their own space, time, and decisions.

Reduced daily conflicts: Less friction over household chores, routines, and personal habits.

Enhanced quality time: Time spent together can be more focused and appreciated.

Personal growth: More space to focus on individual goals and interests.

Greater appreciation: Partners may cherish their time together more.

Maintenance of separate social circles: Easier to maintain individual friendships and activities.

What can the disadvantages of LAT be like

Logistical challenges: Coordinating time together and managing separate households can be complicated.

Emotional distance: Physical separation can sometimes lead to feelings of disconnection or loneliness, especially if one partner values physical closeness more.

Social stigma or misunderstanding: Others may not understand or accept the arrangement.

Limited support during daily life: Less immediate support during illness or difficult times.

Financial impact: Maintaining two separate households can be more expensive.

Potential for jealousy or insecurity: Distance might fuel insecurities if trust and communication aren't strong.

Difficulty with intimacy: Spontaneous intimacy may be less frequent.

Speak with your partner about the advantages and disadvantages before deciding whether LAT is the correct choice for you.