Groundhogging: Why you keep dating similar people on repeat

Swipe, match, date, breakup and repeat. Why does your love life feel like déjà vu? You repeatedly imagine you have discovered ‘the special one.’ But by the end of three months, the relationship will feel like the same toxic loop. You continue to receive the same old excuses about why they can not commit. They are still emotionally uninvested in you.

What is groundhogging and how it affects your love life?

New haircut, new face, but still the same drama. Groundhogging is that dating loop whose existence you were unaware of. . Think of it as watching a negative character on a television programme and expecting a different ending each time. Here’s a hint for you...that ending will NEVER change! According to psychologists, humans tend to repeat patterns, even if they’re unhealthy. Therefore, you might feel comfortable in unhealthy relationships that reflect what you’ve experienced in the past.

If you experienced a lot of drama as a child, you may find calmness boring. Behaviours that you learnt to do in order to get love will continue to dominate your choices regarding partners. It happens because your nervous system defines your safe behaviours, even if it is actually unhealthy.

So how does it affect you? The growth stalls. You fail to challenge your dating habits. For example, if all your breakups have ended similarly (which they likely have), then your dating history may look like a 'copy-and-paste' template.

Your friends may be able to accurately predict the nature of your partner before you even meet them. As time goes on, you may become accustomed to the drama in your relationships. Your perception of what love should feel like may also shift negatively.

So how can you solve the habit of groundhogging?

The simple answer is ‘by breaking the loop.’ Breaking the cycle does not require a partner who is your complete contrast, but rather your own willingness to try new things. Understand how to differentiate between feelings of intensity vs. those of peace. Real love continues regardless of whether there are any huge displays or dramatic times.

Groundhogging isn't the end of your life, but rather a signal that your emotional settings need updates. Recognise the loop, make conscious choices, and hopefully the next person you meet will be worth your time and love.

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