The HC’s recent verdict that reunited lesbian couple Adhila Nazrin and Fathima Noora was revolutionary. The couple, however, went through physical and mental trauma before they got justice. TNIE speaks to members of the LGBTQ+ community about the issues they face in the battle for dignity
Trashing taboos, the Kerala High Court recently passed a landmark verdict reuniting lesbian couple Adhila Nazrin and Fathima Noora. The couple was forcefully separated by their parents, and the court intervened after 22-year-old Adhila, a resident of Aluva, filed a habeas corpus petition for the ‘release’ of her partner Fathima, a 23-year-old Kozhikode native. Adhila and Fathima had been in a relationship since their school days in Saudi Arabia. They came out in May. Facing resistance from their parents, the couple eloped and sought shelter at a Kozhikode-based NGO, Vanaja Collective, which works for the welfare of marginalised communities.
The families tracked and convinced them to return home, promising to accept their relationship. But, they were subjected to emotional and physical torture. Following a struggle with her parents, the police intervened and Adhila was shifted to a shelter home. The couple’s only solace was Dhanya, a common friend from the LGBTQ+ community and a member of the Vanaja Collective. This is not a lone case in which people in love had to go through trauma due to their gender identity and sexual orientation.Though homosexuality and queer identities have gained acceptance in society at the surface level, within the boundaries of family and home, the prejudice is often appalling.
Priyesh Anu, a resident of Killiyoor in Neyyattinkara, realised his sexuality at the age of 23.
“I was confused, but I was sure that something was different in me. In 2015, I came out to my friends that I was a gay. As expected, my friends trivialised it, saying it was just a false notion that I was having. Later, however, they accepted my identity,” recalls Priyesh.
Things were not that ‘cool’ when he came out to his mother and sister. “My mother refused to accept initially. My sister cut off contact with me. She said that I had mental issues and even referred me to a psychiatrist. Though my mother accepted the reality, she is scared of what society would say,” he says.
Priyesh told his mother about his relationship with Ajith A, his partner. Since then, she has kept silent. “I am waiting for my mother to accept my relationship. I wish she would, soon,” says Priyesh.
It is a long fight, he adds. “I wish homosexual marriage is legalised in our country. We also want to live with the same rights, dignity enjoyed by the heterosexual people,” Priyesh asserts. Familial wrath is just one hurdle, says Sheetal (name changed), a lesbian based in Kochi. “Queer people face many issues. When I confided in my parents last year, they did not take me seriously. I went through excruciating emotional stress, which triggered health problems. Then, my parents realised I was serious, indeed. However, I was shamed by friends and relatives.”
There are supportive parents, too. Like Sreeja P P, a social worker based in Kozhikode, who supports her daughter’s Navya same-sex relationship with Ponnu. “My daughter had made me aware of the LGBTQ+ community by showing their videos. Though she didn’t share about the same-sex love initially, I was aware of her feelings,” says Sreeja, adding that Ponnu was known to the family.
“Though it was not acceptable to me at first, I eventually agreed, as I wanted my daughter’s happiness. Now, Ponnu occasionally stays at our place and Navya also goes to her’s.” Sreeja says the high court ruling is “a huge relief”, and believes it will help change the mindset of the people who are yet to accept her daughter’s sexual orientation. “More laws supporting the rights of queer people should be made so that they can also lead normal lives in society,” adds Sreeja.
Ponnu believes she and her partner “are more privileged”, as they received parental support. “There are many who were disowned by their parents, their education was stopped,” she notes. As the ‘pride month’ is on, Ponnu says she has been receiving support as well as “hate” from society, especially social media. Talking of “hate”, she recalls being harassed for organising a gender sensitisation workshop at a college, along with Navya. “After the workshop, many people accused us of promoting homosexuality,” she says. “We just want to be treated as normal human beings.”
What LGBTQ+ activists say
Prijith P K, former president of Queerythm, an NGO based in Thiruvananthapuram, says the high court intervention is not something new. “Such cases often end up in courts, which usually reunite the queer couples. It is unfortunate that such couples have to approach the court to live with their partners,” he points out. “There should be a legislation ensuring dignity for queer lovers. Even under the Special Marriage Act, only heterosexual people can marry. This needs to be changed.”
Prijith adds that families cannot be blamed, as they are driven by society’s norms. “Hence, unless society accepts queer people, the families would find it hard to accept them. As rights activists, we often get ridiculed and rebuked by people.”
Sahayathrika is another organisation based in Thrissur that has been offering support to lesbian, bisexual and transwomen across Kerala for the past 20 years. “In 2002, during a study, it was found that many lesbians ended up attempting suicide,” says Sahayathrika coordinator Ahana Mekhal. “We started creating awareness and got many SOS calls. Hence, we set up an organisation.”
Ahana says there has been little change in society’s attitude over the past two decades. “Especially, when it comes to lesbians, there is no support at all. On an average, we get three cases related to lesbians a day,” she says. “Some families have filed habeas corpus against us, alleging that we kidnapped their children. Most cases are solved in courts.”
Help, a call away
Queerala is a Kochi- based organisation working for LGBTIQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer) people. Started as a Facebook page, the aim was for a society free of discrimination against gender-nonconforming individuals and sexual minorities. The organisation also aims at supporting queer individuals in coming out and being comfortable about themselves. Helpline: +91 7012503861