What does creative parenting look like? This was one of the questions we posed to five dads from Chennai’s thriving theatre circuit, ahead of Father’s Day on June 18. We were expecting light, funny, cheery responses with a sprinkle of sentiment. But these dads really bring it all — raw and real. From life lessons and deep insights coupled with Star Wars and Die Hard references, this tribute to dads everywhere, makes us question why fatherhood is so seldom talked about. Ironic, given the impact the smallest gesture can make when you have a dad who is actively involved in your life — at any age. There really is no debate on this one.Here’s to more conversation and celebration around dads doing it right and loving strong, even if at some points that means simply making an effort to get along.
Gibran Osman, Theatre actor
What has becoming a dad been like for you?
It’s the best thing that has happened to me. I have become less selfish and a little more selfless.
Has your lens of the world changed since becoming a parent?
Yes. I have become a lot more appreciative and less critical of people and situations around me.
It’s definitely not a play that can be scripted, rehearsed and directed. It’s improv of the highest calibre. I wake up every morning wondering
‘whose line is it anyway?’
— Gibran Osman
You’re a creative person — with a scene, a set, lighting, improv. What does creative parenting look like?
It’s definitely not a play that can be scripted, rehearsed and directed. It’s improv of the highest calibre. I wake up every morning wondering ‘whose line is it anyway?’
Have you learned anything new about yourself now that you’re a father?
I have learned to value my parents even more and that the best blessing in this world is having good kids around you.
Freddy Koikaran, Creative director at Stagefright Productions
What has becoming a dad been like for you?
Becoming a dad wasn’t something that I was necessarily planning for or aspiring to. When it happened, it DID change a lot of things for me; it changed my perspective in many ways and I see the responsibility that I have towards helping my son find his way in the world and then letting him go, and that’s an interesting phenomenon when we think of how we lead our own lives and how we may have wanted guidance from people in our lives, but didn’t get it. Can I take those lessons and apply them to try and give my child the best life that I can? That’s the hope.
Has your lens of the world changed since becoming a parent?
Oh absolutely. I can relate a lot more to parent-child relationships and it’s quite fascinating how I react and respond now to that whole dynamic. On a lighter note, when you watch an action movie, there is a point at the end where the hero has been knocked down and beaten, and then they fight back and once they defeat the villain, there’s a slow-mo of them walking away from the burning building. Then suddenly, the camera shifts and you see a child running towards the hero — and it’s usually a man, so you see the child running, calling out “Daddy, Daddy”, and the father runs and picks up his child and hugs them. Yeah, so at that point, I usually burst into tears and bawl like a little baby. Never used to happen before I became a dad.
Being a manager and working
with people in an office is nothing compared to the kind
of skills it takes to be a parent
— Freddy Koikaran
What’s the hardest part and what’s the most rewarding part?
For me, the hardest part is letting go and resting easy in the knowledge that my son will find his way through the world and figure things out. It’s difficult not getting directly involved, and just being available in the background for him, and letting him know that I’m available for him, rather than forcing my thoughts and ideas onto him.
The most rewarding part is to see that he’s comfortable with me, that he turns to me, that he recognises that I have his best interests at heart. I may not always express it as well as I should, but I do have his best interests at heart, and I think that applies to all parents. They all have what they believe is their best interests for their child. The question is, does the child feel the same way? So when he does turn to me and seeks my advice on something, that’s just the most amazing part of being a parent.
Being a manager and working with people in an office is nothing compared to the kind of skills it takes to be a parent.
Have you learned anything new about yourself now that you’re a father?
Becoming a father has helped me understand my own father more. We’ve had a trying and difficult relationship at times, mostly because I wasn’t able to understand what he was thinking and what his perspective was about a lot of stuff. I still don’t necessarily agree with a lot of things that he says and does, but that’s not really the point. The point is that I recognise the challenges that being a father brings, so I’m trying to be as careful as I can about how I parent my son.
I’ve learned to be more patient; I’ve learned to be more communicative: I’ve learned to be more empathetic. And my hope is that he sees me as someone who’s accompanying him on his journey. I don’t necessarily want him accompanying me on mine, but I definitely want to be with him on his journey, not only to be his cheerleader, but to hold the bucket when he needs to spit, give him a sip of water, massage his shoulders, give him the pep talk he needs, and then push him back into the ring, because at the end of the day, he has to take on his own challenges. All I can do is support him in every way I can. So I’ve learned that I need to be that supportive figure to him.
Yohan Chacko, Theatre actor
What has becoming a dad been like for you?
It’s been an interesting journey of
discovery. Something new to learn at every stage of life. Never a dull moment.
Do you have father/daughter rituals now that are sacred?
Singing together and our common reverence for Star Wars; I’d say the force is strong between us.
Has your lens of the world changed since becoming a parent?
Definitely. It’s now that I understand Kipling’s words ‘The child is the father of man’, as well as what ‘generation gap’
truly means.
You’re a creative person — with a scene, a set, lighting, improv. What does creative parenting look like?
From telling stories to imagining scenarios and trying to find different ways to learn, the house was always a stage with household items as props and clothes as costumes. From early on, she forgot what stage fright was and I suppose that made her more genial towards interacting with new people.
What’s the hardest part and what’s the most rewarding part?
The hardest part is knowing that she is going to face a very different world and that I won’t be there at all times when life throws up challenges. The most rewarding has to be the fact that she has learned from me to be the solution rather than the problem.
Have you learned anything new about yourself now that you’re a father?
It has never stopped ever since fatherhood dawned. I call it a constant remodelling that is almost evolutionary. When I look back at who I was 17 years ago, I can hardly recognise that person.
Krishnakumar Balasubramanian aka KK, Artistic director at The Little Theatre, Chennai
What has becoming a dad been like for you?
A lot of it is instinctual. To be a better person. I feel the moment you have someone in your life that you are absolutely responsible for, and you have put their needs ahead of yours it unlocks your capacity for a lot of good and beauty.
Do you have father/daughter rituals now that are sacred?
Morning hugs, play dates, made-up words that only the two of us understand the meanings to. And my personal favourite, story time before bed. The story always revolves around themes of responsibility, taking care of your people (which include animals, some imaginary creatures too) and sacrifice. It is a time when we talk life. She’s only two-and-a-half years old, but you’d be surprised how much a child will make you rethink your life and values. We also dance to at least one song every day. It is very special to both of us. I think it has something to do with me dancing with her in my arms from day two.
Has your lens of the world changed since becoming a parent?
It has in many ways. For one, every day is a journey to reach a better version of myself, to introspect, and consciously facilitate a better relationship with myself and my wife Rohini. I have learned that children don’t listen to most things you say but they will emulate you 100% I know Atiya is watching and learning, so I’m putting in the work to be better every day. And it has absolutely been great for me!
You’re a creative person — with a scene, a set, lighting, improv. What does creative parenting look like?
My life over the last 15 years has been all about theatre. The most special thing was to see her have the best time watching a cast of 80 people. Fifty children, 30 adults including her mamma and dadda onstage with The Christmas Pantomime to an audience of about 1,200 people! I will always hold dearly the moment Rohini and I went to take our bows, she ran on to the stage and jumped into Rohini’s arms. Atiya is one of the reasons why I (& Rohini) decided to act in last year’s pantomime besides directing it. We wanted her to see what we grew up with. We want her to grow up with the joy of performance. In fact she says she wants to get on that stage, she’s been practising her dialogues too!
Have you learned anything new about yourself now that you’re a father?
I’ve learned to have an even greater appreciation and gratitude for everything my parents did for me, during the good times and their rough times.
Denver Anthony Nicholas, Writer, director, actor and co-founder at Poochu’s Productions
What has becoming a dad been like for you?
I was 23, with no idea what to expect, or how to handle any of it. It was truly scary. It was a learning experience from the get-go. As young parents we were committed to understanding what was needed from us, especially because I was discovering so much about myself in the process. My kids helped me grow into it year by year. But, honestly, I’m still figuring it out. It’s a changing world, and the only way to do a good job is to find a balance between being a parent and being a friend. The one constant though, is that it makes me want to be a better person.
I was 23, with no idea what to expect, or how to handle any of it.
It was truly scary. It was a learning experience from the get-go.
— Denver Anthony Nicholas
Do you have father-son/daughter rituals now that are sacred?
Sacred for me, yes! I force them to watch my favourite Christmas movie of all time, Die Hard, every single year on Christmas eve with me. Thankfully, my kids indulge me with this one.
Has your lens of the world changed since becoming a parent?
Absolutely, it’s a scary, yet beautiful world. I’ve had to adapt and accept everything that life is, so that in some way I can have them look at me and know that — nothing is impossible. When you work for it, education, friendships, life itself, you can make things happen.
You’re a creative person — with a scene, a set, lighting, improv. What does creative parenting look like?
I do my best to understand every situation, adapt, improvise, while trying to sound wise. Sometimes I fall short, but I have learned to never give up. It’s challenging to be a young adult these days. I think they have it harder than I did, so the more time I spend with them, the more I learn about the ways of the world today.
What’s the hardest part and what’s the most rewarding part?
Watching them grow into adults and come into their own is the hardest and the most rewarding part is that every day feels like a new beginning. Knowing I get to be their dad and do my best for them.
Have you learned anything new about yourself now that you’re a father?
Yes. I’ve learned that I do actually care about everything that concerns them. There is a lot of introspection about how I handle myself and interact with the world around me, not just as a parent, but even otherwise.