As a psychologist, dating and relationship issues top the list of my clients' concerns in my day-to-day work. In line with this, dating apps make an inevitable appearance in many of my therapy sessions. Over the past five years, the popular rise of dating apps like Tinder in India has fundamentally changed the way people date. This is has sparked a revolution of sorts, as women are now able to make their own choices when it comes to their partners and the kind of relationships they seek. Dating apps such as Tinder are giving women a sense of autonomy and comfort, sans judgement. This platform can be, and has been, extremely liberating for women of all ages, especially as it relates to their sexuality, because it provides them an opportunity to explore and be themselves despite traditional societal mores.
Dating apps break down the implicit ‘rule’ that a man needs to ask a woman out. The idea of the “double opt-in” (i.e. both users have to like each other before they are matched) is a simple yet revolutionary concept, because it puts men and women on the same footing and allows both people to hold the power in choosing who they want to connect with. This built-in feature reduces the volume of unsolicited messages women are often flooded with, while also enabling women to make the first move in showing their interest. This democratization of choice allows for easy conversation that begins on a note of mutual respect, shared interests and mutual consent. That being said, in cases where conversations don’t seem to click, it’s easy to politely say goodbye (i.e. ‘unmatch’) and move on without any awkwardness or feelings of rejection. Imagine if your friends or family set you up on a date and you didn’t get along, how awkward and messy it often is to explain to your date, as well as your family, as to why you were not interested.
I remember a friend, who met her fiancé through Tinder, confess to me: “I’m too shy to ask someone out in social setups - if it was not for Tinder, I would still be single.” For those who are shy or simply unsure of how to approach someone in person, especially, when they don’t know if the feelings will be reciprocated, this is a game-changer in my view. It takes away the massive fear of rejection that can keep you from putting yourself out there and expressing your desire.
Also, in my experience, clients who are exploring their sexual identity feel that dating apps are a safe space to express themselves, find others to date, or even to just connect and share experiences with. The ability to choose gender preferences and the confidence of not being judged is vital.
For women who are divorced or widowed, dating apps offer solace due to the degree of anonymity. It is an easy way to find potential partners moving forward, which is incredibly relevant in the Indian set up, as we don’t often discuss the idea of dating and relationships post divorce or death of a partner.
How we use these dating apps is entirely up to us, but what it does guarantee is a choice. This very option to exercise one’s own choices and assert one’s needs is a welcome change that many today have embraced and are perpetually thankful for.