Avinash Tiwary opens up on love, failure, faith and finding his place in cinema

I got a call from Vishal Bhardwaj sir, asking me to get on a Zoom call with him. I was shooting for another film at that time, so I requested those guys to stop the shoot in between to get on the Zoom call, where he (Vishal Bhardwaj) narrated the script to me. I genuinely can’t understand a script unless I read it. So I requested for the script, and he was kind enough to share it with me. It took me about a day or two and then I jumped on it. Cut to when I see him in Mumbai — this was the first time I was meeting him; we sat down to discuss the film. From there on, it’s been a collaboration that I’ll genuinely remember all my life. I’ve been working for 12-13 years, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of freedom and ownership for my work, and that’s thanks to Vishal sir.

Well, he is the antagonist in the film; someone who is very unpredictable, has quirks, is very powerful… what else do I say… There is also a certain vulnerability to this part which I found very unique.

If I could pinpoint exactly what it is, it would make my job very easy (laughs). I would just turn on AI and be sure that it reads the script for me, and I know what I have to do (laughs). I think ‘instinct’ is the word we keep using, but we still don’t know how to describe it. For me, it starts with the story: Did I really enjoy reading this? And did I, as an audience, enjoy what I read and would I want to see it? That’s the first thought, if I have to really put it logically. Second, I question what is in it for me. And third, who are the people associated, who’s making it. These are the most important factors that I think of, but instinct does have the veto power. If all these three are also right but instinctively, I’m not feeling it, it has the veto power to not go ahead and say no to the project.

I quit engineering in the fourth semester. But well, when did I think that I want to be an actor? That was much later. I mean, it was in the first semester of my engineering when I started staying away from family and not under a sheltered home; that is the period I kind of developed the thoughts of wanting to really know what I want to do. And one day, there was an epiphany that this is what I would be good at! I have no reason to explain why I thought that I would be good at it because it’s been so much of hard work since then to prove to that boy that I’m good at acting. I’m still trying to make him believe that I’ve taken a good decision.

I come from Bihar and conventionally, we give importance to education. So, my idea was I would either be an IITian or an IAS officer. Films were never on my mind… In a way, I kind of looked down upon films, very honestly. That’s the conditioning I had, I can’t deny that. From there on to becoming a part of it today, life has taken a huge shift, and I still don’t know how and why. I don’t think I’ve mentally or intellectually changed as much as my life has.

As long as you keep saying this, I’m happy that I took a good decision because anytime that I start feeling/questioning ‘did I make a mistake?’ it becomes tough.

There have been enough times. It’s been a long journey for me, starting from 2003 (pauses). You know, relevance is a word that is used very loosely but as an actor, I understood its importance post Laila Majnu and more so after it re-released. So, if relevance is of value, then maybe 2024 is when people would want to consider my relevance as an ‘actor’, but personally, I feel I was as good back then as I am today. I’ve not really grown into a better actor. I might have, with experience; but in my head, what I thought of it then and what I think of it now, seems just the same.

Of course, when work doesn’t flow in, it’s difficult to keep that love going on, that belief to carry on. There have been enough number of times that I felt that maybe this is not for me. A lot of well-wishers would also say, ‘Avinash, you’ve been standing in the queue for such a long time. Maybe you’re in the wrong queue’. Now that’s a very worthy argument, but thankfully, the one above us has given me enough strength to carry on and graced me with some success.

Because I have had such a long journey, a lot of rejections, times when I didn’t know what to do, and how things would eventually happen, it has kind of made me almost ready and immune to any situation in life. I see that I panic a little less than my friends around. I’m more straight-forward now. I am willing to go through a failure and come back much faster because I’ve constantly gone through rejections and failures. I am able to heal faster. As long as the energy of life carries on, I think it will only help me get faster and stronger. I set out on a dream, and I’ve been able to live some of them. That ensures that I have the faith even more now that everything that I dream of, I have the ability to go and achieve it. I think that’s the change that it has made in me.

I’ve been working on all kinds of genres from the day I started. I don’t want to associate with the idea of a versatile actor because an actor is supposed to be versatile. That’s what my true belief is, and I hope it gets ingrained into people when they say, ‘versatile actor’. I also believe that in our cinema, ‘vanity’ has had so much value that my initial choices were almost, you know, rebelling against the idea of vanity. If you see my work, they’re not characters who are presenting themselves as a hero (in a sense of vanity). I would want to believe that those things will also evolve and change for me, and that I won’t be so rigid about it.

I started acting in theatre in 2003, so it’s almost 23 years of doing this now. I aspire to reach out to every cinema watcher in the world. I want to ensure that Indian stories reach out to the world. This is the first time in history of Indian cinema that we have a distribution system to more than 200 countries; so, it’s high time that Indian stories, technicians and talent become internationally recognised.

Every part that I have played has elements coming from me because that is where the source is. I would like to believe that there is a distinction in every part that you see (me playing). Eventually, it comes down to the core idea that you are playing people when you’re not playing yourself. Yes, there is a skill and craft that is required, but I think at the very base level, it starts from the imagination that you have when you hear a story. When I’m telling a story, you get a visual... of what this world is and how this person is in that world. For me, it’s that imagination that I see in my head that I want to reach when I start playing a character. How I do it? I myself don’t know.

I think, yes. I swear to God, I just jump into it and think, I hope I land. And if you like it, then probably I’ve landed.

I wouldn’t call acting my first love because it happened a little later in my life. But I think it is a love that has stayed with me. I’ve had love at various points in my life, but this one stayed with me the longest. Let’s put it this way.

I mean, I am a normal human being, can’t say no to this (laughs).

My idea of love is very simple. It’s an emotion and every other emotion that I have is a derivative of love. I’ve been able to make a distinction between love and relationship. Relationship is a space of accountability and transaction, and a medium to express love. What we really see in the world and talk about is genuinely just relationships. Because if it was love, then it would be eternal. The relationships may or may not exist, but love is eternal. If you have loved once, it stays for life.

I don’t think there is something in love. There is love. You just know that feeling. You have experienced it with your mother, your father, in different relationships. You know a sense of love. If I find that (love) again and I feel it again, I would try to hold on to it and ensure that I can have that longer in my life. I have not been able to do that earlier and I hope that the next time I feel love, I’m able to let it stay for longer.

I cannot be closed to this idea. I mean, yes, one can get exhausted with the idea of relationships, with the way of life that we are living. But I know deep down that I would remain unfulfilled if I don’t have this (love) in life.

Yes. O Saathi Re is with Imtiaz Ali sir that is coming a little later in the year I’m also doing Ginny Weds Sunny 2, and I’m extremely excited about it. It’s a rom-com, and I know that a lot of people who have seen me in Laila Majnu and in these intense roles, have been constantly telling me how they want to see me in a good rom-com, want to see me happy and falling in love. I think Ginny Weds Sunny 2 does that. It’s also a film that I truly feel will bring families together.

One learning that I’ve had over a period of time is that a lot of my work was not seen by my own family members. Why? Because they said that it was not very apt for kids. My bhabhi would say, “Laila Majnu mein toh tum pagal ho gaye, Bulbul mein tum chudail ban gaye; Khakee mein tumne bacche ko goli mar di, Bombai Meri Jaan mein gaaliyan chal rahi hain.” And then she said the only film that probably they felt comfortable to see together was Madgaon Express. Now that was a good learning for me that while I thought I'm doing such amazing work, even people in my family, especially kids, were not allowed to watch them, or elders in the family were apprehensive about them. So, I realised that the most important thing right now to bring people together to cinema is to get the family back to cinema. This is what we used to do as kids — mom, dad, siblings, cousins would all go together to watch films. Now it’s more with friends... but the families need to come back together. There is great space for family humour and love. And I’m really looking forward to Ginny Weds Sunny 2 to do that.

I would like Imtiaz sir to start off that conversation, because O Saathi Re is a very complex story. Personally, I feel it’s one of the most difficult parts that I’ve played. It is also one of the most ‘unlikable’ parts that I’ve played through the lens of love. When I say ‘unlikable’, I don’t necessarily mean the world, but ‘unlikable’ to me.

I genuinely am telling you, there is no one in my life who I have seen has been blessed with the family and friends that I have. Like, I am constantly surrounded by them. Sometimes I am overwhelmed because they all complain. My only fight with them is how much do you guys complain! But it is only because you know, I’ve been sheltered, protected and loved. I just feel very blessed and privileged... I don’t know how else to say this. I don’t know how I would function without any one of them. They are my biggest strength and my biggest weakness at the same time.

My mother. If I had to be stuck to her even now, I would be stuck to her (laughs innocently).

The most difficult one I truly feel is O Saathi Re. Every time I would take it on, my body would just, you know… (pauses) I would find it difficult to let it stay with me.

I had never really set out into acting with this idea. Also, genuinely, I have a problem. I’m slightly egoistical as a man (laughs). And very rarely do I get influenced by people. Having said that, we have some amazing artistes in our industry. I wanted to work with Amitabh Bachchan, and thankfully I did that in Yudh; I have always imagined myself dancing with Madhuri Dixit or Govinda; that hasn’t happened yet, but hopefully it will. Three directors that I had on my list at one point, I have been blessed to be able to work with — Imtiaz Ali, Vishal Bhardwaj, and Anurag Kashyap. I look forward to work with Kabir Khan and Sanjay Leela Bhansali. However, I have made my career working with first-time filmmakers. And I want to ensure that I am able to work with more first-time filmmakers.

I think genuine laughter on screen is really difficult, because you laugh once, twice and then the humour kind of starts to fade/disappear.

In life, I am very expressive. Maybe I am not aware, but I feel I am pretty comfortable in expressing myself.

I also feel happy is what I can say.

I have been a science student and quite influenced by Physics. Over the years, I felt I should be able to create some impact in that space as well. I would say I finally have a small framework of what I want to do in the research and innovation ecosystem; I am trying to build something there. That’s something I have been secretly working on. Hopefully, in a couple of years, we shall hear something.

If you want honesty, all that you see are for films (laughs). I don’t have a keen interest in fashion. Ask my sisters, they will tell you I am zilch as far as fashion is concerned. But I am learning and getting better. I don’t think I know much about it, but intuitively, I am getting better at it.

Fitness for me is strength, stamina, flexibility and endurance. Of course, if a character demands that I look a certain way, I go ahead and achieve it.

For now, as my parents’ son and as an actor who at this point should be known for his commitment to work; hopefully, in a few years, for the art that he was able to create. There is so much to build, there is so much to do, but for now, if I hear this much — that he is the most committed and indulgent actor willing to put everything on the line, I would like it.

So, this was back in 2009 when I first saw myself on the big screen. My parents were also there. Mid way, I literally got up hiding my face and sat on the stairs thinking that this is the end of my career.

When I saw The Mehta Boys on the big screen, I told myself: Yaar, main ab acha kaam karne lag gaya hoon. You know, you have aspirations of certain quality of work, and then you suddenly see that you are now doing that? That’s what I felt. That day I said to myself — ‘I now deserve to be only on the big screen’. Will I be able to do that or not, consistently, I don’t know, but as an artiste, my judgement was that ab na tujhe bade parde par hi dekhna chahta hoon.

(Laughs) Every supportive family also has a father, and fathers are the way they are supposed to be. Like I said, my father is the one who pushed me, so yeah, The Mehta Boys is not very far away from me (laughs).

But honestly, with The Mehta Boys, I could see those fine tunings of quality work, so I said to myself, ab bat lag raha hain tumhara ball par. He (the character) didn’t have to do anything, but I could hear, feel his thoughts. For me, that has always been a mark of great performances. The actor stops doing and just being… these are what you aspire when you start off. I saw glimpses of that happening in that performance. I would at this point call The Mehta Boys as my most favourite performance. It’s very barikh... Woh sabko dikhti nahi hai…

O Romeo releases in theatres today.