If you feel your relationship is not holding on to that spark anymore, then clinging on to a void relationship makes no sense. However, what many find difficult in this situation is to get out of the relationship that once meant the world to them. Most are lost in terms of how to broach the subject, or what to say, or whether the partner will mind or turn aggressive, and above all, how not to emotionally aggravate the situation. Having a closure talk isn’t probably one of the things that you had anticipated ever. But if life ever comes to it, it is better faced with respect, calm, emotional depth, and a quiet sense of speaking the truth confidently without hurting your partner.
The first and foremost thing to remember in this case is that the closure talk is not about winning the battle. It is about respectfully letting go. And owning up to that takes a lot of courage and bravado. Before broaching the subject, be very clear in your head that the relationship is over from your side. If you think it is, then clearly note the points why you think this isn’t working out anymore. If there is scope for improvisation, you can try it out; or else have the clarity in your mind that you have nothing more to give to this relationship. Always make sure that your intent is clearer, even though your words may not be perfect.
Choosing the right setting is important. Matters of the heart cannot be spoken out loud under chaos. Look for a quiet space with less people, preferably a cosy café or a park bench, fits the bill. Initiate the talk when neither of you are stressed out or emotionally fragile. Also, be very calm when you have to give your reasons. You do not want the situation to become confrontational, but rather one that garners mutual respect.
How to start a respectful closure talk?
It is absolutely normal to remain nervous when you take such an important step in your life. Further, while you want to be straight-forward, the output should not come out as curt, defensive or full of accusations. That would cause unnecessary damage and doing any good. Try to put forward your experiences in the sentences clearly rather than mentioning what lacked in the other person’s behaviour towards you.
As you go about speaking, fuse kindness and softness into your language, gestures, eye movements and voice. Remember, you had once loved your partner dearly; and even though it isn’t working out now, it doesn’t mean that you will become rude or irritable towards the person. When you do clarify about the closure, make sure you also speak about the good parts of the relationship so that their morale doesn’t go down.
When you are having the ultimate closure conversation, be a good listener along with being a good speaker. Try to hear the other person too. They might have something to say that might help you better yourself. If you feel tension escalating, take a breather and stop talking. It is better to pause than to invite damage. Moreover, be prepared that every time you may not get a perfect closure.
Sometimes, there might be loose ends and you will have to work your way around it. But having this conversation only means that you are trying to solve the situation like an adult and preserve your self-respect. At times, even after a closure, ex-partners remain friends and wish each other well when they find their ‘perfect’ one to move ahead in life with.
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