The routines, housing and ways of spending weekends and holidays will change after divorce. Many families have custody schedules replacing their shared activities. Divorced couples in some Western countries are now utilising a new model called ‘nesting’ or ‘birdnesting’ to minimise disturbance to their children by keeping them in their home rather than moving between two homes.
The parents rotate around a set timetable/back and forth. The concept sounds simple enough: while the marriage may be over, the child should have a feeling of home that will live on. The family home becomes the permanent base of the child under the nesting process. For a child adjusting to a divorce, having the ability to sleep in the same bed every night can provide a sense of comfort.
Attending school, living in one building, seeing the same group of friends, and getting the same 'hello' from the same doorman every morning are all little but continuous ways to anchor to reality.
The primary benefit of nesting is emotional stability. Children who are surrounded by familiar people and things and are kept in stable physical environments experience less change. So they do not perceive as much emotional or physical loss on separation.
While nesting offers many advantages, some families experience emotional issues related to this arrangement. For example, children are very sensitive to the emotions of their parents (especially when parents argue). When children witness this type of behaviour frequently (i.e., parents coming and going from the same house), it can sometimes be difficult for them to set emotional boundaries.
Younger kids may find nesting more beneficial because it provides a sense of stability. However, teens already have to deal with finding out who they are and learning about their social world. Therefore, many teens have a more difficult time with existing in nested placements.
According to experts, nesting generally works best for families where both parents agree on the divorce and have a degree of mutual respect. The parents must be emotionally stable and able to communicate with each other in a reasonable manner.
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