Five skills we can work on to hold space for others or for ourselves

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, and at some point, we all experi- ence loss, pain, or suffering. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or a personal struggle, these moments can feel overwhelming. However, there’s a way to help our near ones navigate through these difficult times: by learning to “hold space” for one another.

The practice of being present and fully engaged with someone as they go through a difficult experience, without trying to fix their problems or offer solutions. It’s about allowing them to express their emotions, fears and thoughts without any fear of judgment. This practice of holding space can be deeply comforting and therapeutic. When someone is going through something terrible, words often fall short. While well-meaning advice or comforting phrases might seem helpful, they can sometimes make the person feel more isolated or misunderstood. What truly helps is the simple, yet profound act of being there — listening deeply and allowing the person to express themselves freely. This creates a safe environment where they can explore their feelings and begin to heal.

In times of personal crisis, we also need to remember that it’s okay to ask others to hold space for us. We all need that supportive presence when we’re facing challenges, and it’s a gift to allow someone to be there for us as much as it is for us to be there for them. This practice not only helps us cope with loss and suffering but also enriches our lives by deepening our connections with others, so let’s learn a few skills that we can work upon to hold space for others or for ourselves:

Deep listening

The most crucial aspect of holding space is deep listening. This means listening without interrupting, advising, comforting, or judging. It’s about being fully present and attentive, allowing the other person to express themselves freely without having a fear that the other person will form a perception about them and be judgemental, which further provides the person with a sense of being heard.

Offering genuine support

When you tell someone, “I’m here for you if you need me,” it’s essential to mean it from the depths of your heart. This reassurance can provide immense comfort, letting the person know they’re not alone. However, it’s important not to overstep by imposing your help, but instead, let them reach out when they’re ready.

Avoid interrupting

When holding space, it’s important to resist the urge to interrupt, react, or give a suggestion. Even if there’s silence, sometimes nothing needs to be said. Silence can be powerful, allowing the person to process their thoughts and emotions at their own pace. We want to create a safe, non-judgmental space where they feel free to express themselves fully, and they may not really need any suggestions from us.

Managing your own emotions

Holding space also means keeping your own emotions and issues in check. It’s easy to get entangled in someone else’s pain, feel sad, or feel emotional, but it’s important to stay grounded and centered. By doing so, you provide a calm, steady presence that the person can rely on.

Holding space isn't just for times of crisis

It’s a skill that can be practised in everyday situations, whether with children, partners, friends, or colleagues. For example, when someone is angry or passionate about something, instead of reacting, simply listen. This practice not only helps the other person feel heard but also fosters deeper understanding and connection. When people express their emo- tions in a non-judgmental space, it can lead to profound healing. This is because emotions that are suppressed or judged tend to fester and grow, whereas emotions that are acknowledged and expressed freely can be processed and released.

We all need a safe space to express our emotions without fear of judgment. By asking for this support, you’re not only helping yourself but also giving the other person the opportunity to practice this power-ful technique.