Why are we stuck in the ‘nonchalance epidemic’?

In an age of instant messaging and constant online presence, a curious paradox has emerged in our relationships. Everyone is connected, yet no one wants to make the first move. Whether it’s texting first, picking up the phone to call, or planning a simple coffee date, there’s a growing reluctance to show initiative. Why do we have to play the game of not wanting to care all the time?

This is a cultural shift called the nonchalance epidemic

At the heart of this phenomenon lies a fear of vulnerability. People are hesitant to show they care. They hold back out of fear of looking 'too interested' and facing rejection. The way out, it seems, is to appear 'cool' or nonchalant.

It is a common defence mechanism when one is trying to forge connections in schools, universities and workplaces. And it appears to come up a significant number of times in the dating world.

Why care when caring costs us so much? No one wants to risk being let down, feeling hurt and having to cry about it at night over a bowl of maggi.

It comes down to how 'easy' everyone makes it look online, when deep down, all of us are stressing out over lack of friends or unanswered texts. We say love is a "humiliation ritual" as a joke or talk about ways to evade vulnerability when we meet our crushes or close friends, but the truth is, there is no way to make significant connections unless we show our care. We want to be a little clingy and embarrassing but what if the other person doesn't like that side of us? Well, there's only one way to find out and that is, by risking it.

The truth is, most of us care. We overthink texts. We replay conversations. We wonder why they didn’t call. The desire for connection is there, but it’s buried under layers of curated coolness and emotional self-preservation.

This epidemic creates a cycle where both sides wait for the other to show interest, leading to miscommunication, missed opportunities, and surface-level interactions.

But if we dare to be a little more “chalant,” if we risk reaching out, expressing affection, or simply saying how we feel, we can perhaps get to the chalant ones as well. People who care and do not worry about how they are perceived.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: who is this performance really for, if it serves neither you nor the people you care about?

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