A relationship has its own ebbs and flows. But sometimes, it might take a strange turn when one is abused and then shown kindness to, all within a quick span. More often than not, the victim lets it pass as a one off thing. But this passing leads to another incident, followed by many more. Strangely, the victim, who probably doesn’t even realise it, keeps going back to the tormentor, again and again, forming what can be termed as trauma bonding.
This psychological behaviour emerges from what is called intermittent reinforcement. This signifies that a harmful person oscillates between being kind and being cruel. The personality patterns are so unpredictable that it creates an emotional hook. While the same offender can be seen showering the partner with love, or in common words, 'love bombing,' they might turn manipulative, abusive, critical of somebody, toxic, and neglectful of the partner in the next moment. This pattern creates a signal of craving for the good moments, that single thread of hope, which still binds the partner to the offender, despite severe damage.
Entry into pop culture
Gen-Z today is probably more aware of trauma bonding as they find similarities between their situation and what they notice in pop culture. Movies like Darlings, starring Alia Bhatt and Vijay Varma, and even Kabir Singh, essayed by Shahid Kapoor, touch on these lines. The unending cycle of love, trauma, apology, hope, and love continues, where one waits patiently enduring it all, thinking that the other will change. Further, trauma is also elaborated by toxic behaviour which often subdues the other person physically and mentally. The bottom line is trauma bonding doesn’t stop your life; it resets it for a better tomorrow.
How to identify trauma bonding?
If you find yourself addicted to the toxic behaviour in spite of understanding it, drafting explanations for rude behaviour, or struggling to leave, then you are experiencing trauma bonding. Interestingly, this kind of relationship need not occur only between partners or husband and wife. It may happen between family members and workplace colleagues too.
After finding oneself stuck in a difficult situation, sometimes one is still unable to break apart. This is because of the lingering hope that one day, the situation might improve. A large part of this staying back also happens due to crushed self-worth, fear, guilt, and extreme dependency.
How to break away from the situation?
Picking up the pieces after going through a harrowing experience is the hardest part of it all. If you really want to break away, then start creating a distance and rebuilding your confidence and individual self-esteem. Never hesitate to talk to an expert if that reduces stress and clears your mind. Most importantly, give it time to heal. Try engaging yourself in activities that you loved and divert your mind from the horrors of the relationship.
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