Irrfan Khan's wife Sutapa Sikdar pens emotional note on the actor's first death anniversary
Sharing a quote by Irrfan's favourite poet, Sutapa recalls his last night at the hospital and how she and her friend sang songs for him.
"'People living deeply have no fear of death': Anais Nin, your favourite poet Irrfan. Last year, on this night, I and my friends sang songs for you, all your favorite songs. The nurses were looking at us strangely as they were used to religious chants in critical times but I had overdone that for you Irrfan morning, evening and night for two years. And since they told me it was time, I wanted you to go with memories you loved and so we sang songs. Next day, you left for the next station, I hope you knew where to get down without me..363 days eight thousand seven hundred and twelve hours..when each second is counted," wrote Sutapa.
Also read | 'Irrfan Khan's finish line came too soon but we are proud of him': Wife Sutapa Sikdar at IFFI
She then shared how the actor, who was deeply interested in the mystery of numbers, passed away at 11:11 hours on April 29.
"How exactly does one swim this huge ocean of time. The clock had stopped at 11.11 on April 29 for me. Irrfan, you had a keen interest in the mystery of numbers and (it is) funny that you had three 11's on your final day. Some say, actually many say, 11/11/11 is a very mystical number. How does one walk ahead the pandemic, (it) just adds to the anxiety, fear and pain," she shared.
His wife then shared the painful ordeal of changing names that she had to go through.
"The days went by with umpteen responsibilities, some extremely new ones like signature galore for changing of the name. My fingers kept stopping - how could I just take your name away and make it Sutapa? I was unable to sign, (I) took a day off but the name game played on my mind. Like a film in a projector," she wrote.
Recalling the days at the National School of Drama where they met, Sutapa recalled their first meeting and how Irrfan couldn't pronounce her name properly.
"I remember sitting outside NSD late evening ..beautiful girls from Kathak Kendra floating out ..they were all very well dressed up unlike us we were always in our blue track pant and sky blue t-shirt... you mispronounced my name and I tried to correct and rubbed it in, as usual my permanent thing, that north Indians are so stupid and they only can pronounce Sunny Vicky Rahul-type names and proceed to Kake Ki Dukaan at Gol Chakkar to have ek bata do chai (one cup of tea split into two)'. It has been a long journey of correcting each other... a life time spent fighting, arguing, laughing and evolving together. You were the loner in a crowd and now a whole crowd has followed you up there... by the way, Om from the tea stall at the nukkad passed away some years ago. Has he set up a tea stall up there? Are you having ek bata do chai there, and drinking water from running streams?"
She concluded by wishing peace, not just for Irrfan but many others who have lost of their lives in recently. "All of you stay in peace... remember that we loved you, all of you. And remember that all of you are missed by someone or the other ..all your families grieve ..may you all rest in peace! I hope there is enough space and I hope some of you will forgive us for not being able to give a respectable cremation. #irrfan#NSD#nationbleeding#wearesorry#restinpeace"
Irrfan Khan was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer in 2018. The actor passed away in Mumbai's Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital on April 29 last year with a colon infection. Their elder son Babil also took to social media to remember his father on his death anniversary. "There is a legacy that has already been concluded by my Baba himself. A full stop. Nobody can ever replace him. Nobody will ever be able to," wrote Babil with a picture that shows Irrfan building his own study desk.