How to set up boundaries if you are single?

Single and don’t want to mingle? That’s a perfectly fine decision because it’s your choice. But what worries you is how to set up the boundaries? Don’t worry as your boundary setting up guide is here to give you strategies to remain happily single, mingle with friends, and yet have strict boundaries to make people aware that you are not available for a commitment.

What to do to maintain boundaries if you are single?

Here are some of the ways to make and sustain friendships and yet give a clear signal that you are setting up boundaries to forming a committed a relationship.

Know yourself

Start from asking yourself, what becomes too much to handle for you? What gives you the required energy to pull through? What kind of conversations do you want to be a part of and what to avoid? What kind of behaviour irks you the most? What kind of protection or shielding do you want to build around yourself- time, space, memories, emotions etc. Once you know yourself better, you will be in a position to pick and choose what you want and where you want to be, giving a clear sign of where you want to be involved and where you want to draw a line.

 Be direct in your conversations

When you want to draw a boundary, you need to stop hesitating and start being direct. This might hurt people and you only have to calm yourself by telling that one cannot and perhaps should not try to please all. For those who really cherish your company, would understand and appreciate your directness, for there is always a way to be sternly polite and putting forward your case. Set up boundaries for people with regards to your time, emotions, social life and even dating options. Tell people what you are looking for, so it becomes easier for everyone to be on the same page.

I isn’t selfish

Speak up for yourself, because no one else will. Use ‘I’ and put forward your opinion or needs. This doesn’t make you selfish just self sufficient, self concerned and someone who likes to directly address the issue without going around in circles. Furthermore, sometimes if you have to say a No, make sure it’s loud and clear and people understand the meaning; for a No, is a complete sentence in itself.

 Stick to boundaries

Boundaries only have meanings when you create them and stick to them. Breaking your boundaries or making exceptions quite often doesn’t adhere to the concept of making it in the first place. But what happens when someone is too interfering? You can politely repeat yourself a few times and if it continues, the best way to work it out is to cut off access completely.  This is also true for your own self. When you create boundaries for others, you also automatically create some for yourself. These may include not enlisting on dating applications, have a set work and personal routine, not accepting what you don’t have your heart into and more.

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