The internet’s in heat again and this time it’s because someone somewhere whispered that Sydney Sweeney’s Cassie might have an OnlyFans account in Euphoria Season 3. One flimsy rumour, one mysteriously vanishing article, multiple headlines later and suddenly everyone’s acting like Sam Levinson is about to shoot a Pay-Per-View spin-off.
Let’s call this what it is: the fandom’s favourite sport — projecting chaos onto Cassie like it’s a group assignment. A girl smears glitter tears on her face and spirals for two seasons and now you all want her monetising it? Typical. If any character would impulsively launch an OF account at 3 am while crying into a ring light and whisper-fighting with her reflection in a bathroom mirror, it’s Cassie. She’s already done everything but take out an ad on the interstate to announce “I WILL MAKE BAD DECISIONS PUBLICLY.” OnlyFans feels like the natural PhD-level continuation of that thesis.
This is about the internet seeing Sydney Sweeney — blonde, buxom and weaponised by two seasons of emotional implosion — and thinking: Oh, there’s the storyline. That’s the headline. That’s the merchandise. Something conveniently juicy enough to trend, controversial enough to debate, and sexual enough to guarantee clicks per minute. But there are no official confirmations.
But sure, let’s pretend HBO greenlit OnlyFans University. Maybe Cassie becomes a digital bombshell with tiered subscriptions. Maybe we’re just bored and need something chaotic to inject into our collective bloodstream.
Either way, the rumour says more about us than it does about Cassie. We don’t want her to heal, we want her to implode glamorously, and preferably with a paywall. And to be honest — we’ll still watch every second of it, popcorn greasy, Twitter open, ready to moralise with one hand and Zoom-in screenshots with the other. Because that’s what the Euphoria fandom does best: demand restraint, celebrate disaster.
If this storyline actually comes true in Season 3? Don’t say you’re shocked. Say you were waiting for it.
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