The quiet stress of purpose anxiety and how to ease it

“Find your purpose.”
It’s a phrase we’ve all heard—on podcasts, in self-help books, from well-meaning teachers and mentors. But for many, this rallying cry has become more paralysing than inspiring. Instead of lighting the way, it casts a shadow of pressure and inadequacy. If I haven’t found my purpose yet, does that mean I’m failing at life?

How society shifted our relationship with purpose

This rising tide of unease has a name: purpose anxiety. Coined around 2014 by University of Pennsylvania graduate student Larissa Rainey, it describes the quiet panic that accompanies the feeling that we should have a grand, clearly defined life purpose—but we don’t know what it is, or how to go about finding it.

“There’s a lot of commands to find purpose, but not a lot of support to find purpose,” says Michael Steger, professor at Colorado State University and director of its Centre for Meaning and Purpose.

What does ‘purpose’ even mean?

The idea of purpose is slippery—can you have more than one? Does it need to involve helping others, or can it simply be something that brings you joy?

Todd Kashdan, a professor at George Mason University and founder of its Well-Being Laboratory, offers a more grounded view. Think of purpose not as a strict life plan, but as a compass—something that helps point your energy in a meaningful direction. “A sense of purpose helps close the gap between who you are and who you want to become,” he explains.

Historically, religion, community and family often gave people a sense of purpose. But many of those institutions have shifted or lost their central role. A 2025 Pew Research survey, for instance, shows religious affiliation has significantly declined in recent decades. Likewise, the once-common belief that each generation would build a better life than the last no longer feels certain.

“We’re stuck trying to do the harder thing now,” says Steger, “which is, one by one, figure out everything in the universe and how we fit.”

Small steps, not big leaps

Jordan Grumet, author of The Purpose Code, believes we’re thinking too big. Social media, he says, feeds us the idea that purpose has to be something epic and world-changing. “That’s the capital-P Purpose,” he says. “But there’s also small-p purpose, and that’s just as important.”

He suggests looking to the smaller things: hobbies, part-time work, community volunteering. “What could I do that lights me up and feels like a good use of my time?”

Even if those pursuits aren’t what we traditionally label as ‘purpose’, they build connection, meaning, and joy—which might be the point, after all.

When life doesn’t go to plan

Sometimes, purpose comes from unexpected places—especially when life doesn’t follow the path we imagined. Jody Day, psychotherapist and author of Living the Life Unexpected, thought her purpose would be motherhood. But in her 40s, she realised that wouldn’t happen. “I felt so pointless as a human being,” she recalls.

That grief led her to create Gateway Women, an online support community for childless women. She now helps run in-person groups in rural Ireland. “I feel that to be alive in this time, and to be awake, is an incredible privilege. That is my purpose.”

There is no deadline

Steger advises those grappling with purpose anxiety to let go of the pressure to have it all figured out. The process of exploring your values, interests and what you care about deeply is meaningful.

“We are so outcome-focused and process-averse,” he says. “Probably my best advice is to take your time and be all right not always knowing.”

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