It's one thing to put up with your partner's flaws, but it's another when you constantly deal with behaviour than overstep your boundaries. Relationship red flags can be extremely hard to spot, when you're in love, but here's some ways to keep your head above water.
They keep a scorecard of your past mistakes
Every time you have a fight, they bring up all of your past mistakes instead of taking accountability for their actions. One way or another, they are never to blame.
The problem is that, without fixing mistakes and owning up to your actions, you cannot progress in a relationship, nor is it possible for one person every time to be victimised for everything they may or may not have done.
If you end up apologising for your partner's faults every time you try to bring up a problem at hand, there might be deeper issues at play.
They indulge in hot-and-cold behaviour
They start ‘love bombing’ you at first, telling you how beautiful or handsome you are, showering you with compliments left and right, and then slowly reduce their texts and calls.
Initially, you're overwhelmed with gifts, texts and affection, but slowly they pull back. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that creates a sense of emotional entanglement. It leaves you reliant on the person in the early stages, that make it hard for you to move out of the relationship.
Eventually, they stop making as much effort. They may withdraw affection when angry, insult you or try to control your appearance or behaviour, leaving you disorientated.
They hide things from you
You find them chatting away late at night, yet when you ask who they're talking to, they brush you off, saying "It's work stuff." They like posts of random strangers on Instagram and tell you, "But it's just liking a picture. It doesn't mean anything."
If you find them consistently lying or giving you excuses, it might be a sign that they're cheating on you. Cheating does not always have clear-cut signs, but you need to trust your gut on this one; otherwise, they will have you believe that you're "crazy".
They physically and emotionally abuse you
You might find them shouting at you for small mistakes or even raising their hand on you. If you call them out on their behaviour or attempt to leave the relationship, they may start to fake tears and ask you to "take them back".
It can be incredibly traumatising to be in such relationships and the best you can do is pull the strings early on. Otherwise, it will get harder and harder to walk away.
They isolate you from your friends and family
They may tell you that they're concerned about the people you spend time with, using different tactics and explanations each time. Experiencing gaslighting from the person you love can be intense; you will not even realise when or how you've lost out on your closest friends. They ensure that you have no-one to turn to in your darkest times, which is the easiest way for them to exert control over you.
Walking away from toxic relationships can be tough, but if you're with a partner like this, it can help to rely on trusted friends. They can hold up a mirror to explain things and situations you're dealing with for the way they are. It might make you angry and hurt at first, but such relationships only pave the way for more distress and agony in your life.