Move over 'ghosting', this new dating trend has taken over your throne. The current buzzword in the dating sphere is puffer-fishing. Not to mistake it with fishing related to the marine world, puffer-fishing refers to dating behaviour where a person becomes detached as soon as the relationship takes an intense turn. While everything seems like it was meant to be at first glance, once the chemistry turns into intimacy, the person vanishes.
There is a good reason why this concept employs the analogy of the puffer fish. The puffer fish reacts by bloating itself when it feels threatened. Puffer fishing in relationships happens when someone reacts in the same manner by bloats emotional distance when feeling vulnerable.
Puffer-fishing became a well-known phrase after being coined by author and psychotherapist Kati Morton during conversations about avoidance coping mechanisms for emotions. Her phrase stemmed from her personal experience as a therapist who observed how fear of vulnerability impacted relationships.
At an initial stage, one displaying puffer-fishing behavior may come across as highly involved. He or she is loving, caring, and emotionally accessible. Everything seems simple and fun. However, it is often at that point when things change and the relationship turns from superficial to emotionally deep that puffer-fishing is evident.
A certain pattern of hot and cold behaviour can be observed. On one hand, they seek intimacy, while the very next time they find themselves suffocated with it. They might start noticing faults in their partner, stop communicating, or just disappear out of nowhere for no apparent reason.
One of the common signs is an unwillingness to engage in hard discussions. Rather than expressing their discomfort, the individual becomes emotionally unavailable. The individual might disappear for some time and come back to expect everything to be business as usual.
It is often associated with one’s emotional experiences from an early age. Individuals who come from an environment where their emotional needs have been either neglected, erratic, or unsafe will end up associating intimacy with pressure or danger.
Still, even in healthy relationships, there is space. What separates them is that the former communicates their space well and provides assurance, while puffer-fishing tends to be filled with silence and ambiguity.
It is also important to point out that those exhibiting the characteristics of puffer fishing are not cold-hearted individuals. More often than not, they are stressed out, rather than cold-hearted, and are unable to be present when there is intense emotion because they don’t have the right coping mechanisms.
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